a HEART for the NATIONS

I have always prayed that I would have a world view that follows God. And honestly, that was just ONE of the many reasons we pursued an international adoption. God loves His people...His children...His nations. We have been burdened and praying for JAPAN after the events of last weeks earthquake.

Please continue to pray for the people of JAPAN that their hearts will turn toward God during this season of stress and turmoil. My sister and her family are missionaries in JAPAN, and as difficult as it's been there recently, they are blessed knowing that so many people are praying for the people there. The people NEED Jesus.

Please watch and share.

Prayers needed

As most of the Ethiopian adoption community already knows, there are some major changes taking place for the future Ethiopian adoptions. I'm sure many of you have already signed this ePetition, but this is a plea for those who are not part of the adoptive community, we need your prayers and signature too.

Today is the first day of Lent, and we as a family take our season of preparation seriously. We spend focused time on God and His word and seek Him to prepare our hearts for both Christmas and Resurrection Sunday. I will be spending time praying for the Ethiopian children, adoptive families in the pipe lines, orphanage workers, and government officials. A common part of Lent is to think about those "less fortunate". And all I can think about are those families and children who are so poverty stricken in Ethiopia.

Our boys knew that deep poverty well. They knew a hunger that no one should know. They knew a loneliness and hurt and rejection that ONLY CHRIST can heal. As grateful as I am that our boys are home, my heart is grieving the situation in the Ethiopian adoption process. Heavy hearted today, I ask you to join me in prayer. Please click on the link and sign the petition. Please seek God on behalf of the children this new policy will effect.

http://www.gopetition.com/petition/43714.html

meeting up with friends

Last summer we had the chance to meet a LOT of AGCI families at the family picnic. It was such a blessing to meet these blessed families face to face. My Tissy found a friend that day and it has blossomed into a pen pal/long distance friend. And from that I have had the chance to meet up with Andrea B a few times and let me just say, what a precious heart she has for God and His children. I am inspired by her love for the Lord and every time we chat or see each other, I am amazed by her deep relationship with God.

Last Friday, we met at our local airport for another WELCOME home party for another adoptive family. These parties NEVER get old. We were welcoming home Sara and her sweet tiny baby boy. After we ohhed and ahhed over the tiny new born cry, we headed off to have dinner, just us girls. It was such a fun time and we really don't get the chance to visit with friends like this OR go out to eat.

An unexpected blessing of our adoption has been the wonderful friendships we have made with SO many AMAZING families. I absolutely love emailing, or texting or calling back and forth with these precious friends. I just wish they all lived close by so we could visit more often.

We have also had the chance to become good friends with another adoptive family that lives here in our town. Our kids have a great time together and this dear family is waiting on a little girl from Ethiopia.Sad to say, these are all pics from my cell phone. I just am so lazy with down loading my photos. I need to work on that. Sounds like another goal for myself. =)

Blessed...blessed to know these families.

LOVE brings us HOME

Finally finished my wall phrase. Actually, Chuck finished it. I have been hunting for something to paint on the wall in our entry way and I found this phrase on a picture frame and stenciled it on the wall and then painted it. The delivery isn't perfect, but I really like it.

12 MONTHS home !!!!!

So can you believe we have been home for 12 MONTHS??? That is officially ONE YEAR with our boys here. Woo HOO!!! We had big plans for a BIG celebration and then...we ALL got the FLU. Each and everyone of us had the fever, the cough, the aches, the pain, the stuffy nose, the whole thing. It was 10+ days of all of us being sick and down on the couch. So we totally missed our exciting GOTCHA DAY celebration.

But I still want to document how far we have come in our family. I really anticipated our anniversary month of coming home to more difficult than it has been. Anniversary triggers are really common and it was also the first time I was away from the boys for an extended period of time (2 big sleeps). I was able to go to the Created For Care retreat in Atlanta and spend some time filling up my cup so I could then go and pour back into my family.

We have seen such GREAT strides in the boys in the past few months. Both boys are really continuing to do really well with their adjustment. Changes in routine are not as difficult as they once were. We are not having as many difficulties with rejection or control. We are seeing both boys use more and more appropriate skills to handle the struggles that they seem to have. All of the hard work of cocooning and limiting their environment has been well worth it.

I believe that having a simple routine and not too stimulating environment gives a GREAT place for a foundation for healing to begin. Kids who come from traumatic situations need the opportunity to "let down" and know that they are safe. If you decide to just graft your kids into a "typical American family" continuing with lots of activities, you MAY postpone some healing. Please understand I share not because I think we have all the right ways to do things (because we have made MANY mistakes along the way) or to judge how you may adjust as a family. I just want to encourage families to really think about their transition plan. I have read and listened to Dr. Purvis and have really gleaned great advice from her. Here is great resource to listen to if you are interested in finding out more about Dr. Purvis.

http://empoweredtoconnect.org/children-from-hard-places-what-everyone-needs-to-know/

So...back to my update. We are doing well. It is feeling more and more normal. We still live a simple life and that works for us. TF goes to his Mom's Morning Out program 2 mornings a week. I have cut him back to just 3 hours each time. We are praying about what will be the best situation for school next year. Exploring our options and praying that God would really lead and guide us.

Tyson shares more and more about his life in Ethiopia. We try and record it all down so we can share it with him some day if he forgets. God has given him a great gift in his memory. He still really misses his birth family and bed time (when he is alone sleeping) continues to be a struggle. We are working really hard at making it easy for him, but also trying to not let his struggles dominate our evening routine. It is a balancing act.

Tate continues to shut down when he feels insecure of unsure of others. He doesn't like to interact with many people but lights up for us at home. Interactions with others MUST be on his terms. He seems to hold onto his fears and relives traumatic moments (like a neighbor's dog running up to him). He can still pitch a fit when he wants his way and has done this a few times out in public (yes...it is embarrassing when your toddler will NOT sit in the shopping cart). We are seeing more joy in his personality and he has brought so much cheer to our family.

I am still trying to learn how to juggle 4 kids. I am doing better, but there are days I feel like it is a LOT of work. I am working hard at carving out time for Chuck and I each evening but I have not done a great job of making time for myself.

We are still getting our schooling done each week, though I feel like it's not as much as I'd like. Trying to really seek God for our next school year and desiring to make some changes. Tate still doesn't go to his class at church but Tyson does most weeks. He seems older than most of the kids there and has struggled with finding friends. We are praying for friend connections with all of our kids. The general dynamics of our family (both due to adoption and homeschooling)has made it more challenging here in our current state.

In the next few months my goals are:

• get both boys down to bed in less time (still sitting with them until they sleep)
• make a good decision for school for 3 of the kids
• take Tate to the story time at the library 2 times a month
• enjoy the next soccer season for Tyce
• leave all the kids with a sitter so Chuck and I can go out to dinner
• take some more family photos
• work on our families adoption story via video
• pray more with each child each day
• parent my kids more in the spirit
• improve eye contact with the boys
• laugh more together
• Blog more =)
  

Until next time.

Post Placement Photos

As per the requirements for the post placement reports that are required by the Ethiopian adoption system, we must send in about 10 pictures of each of the boys. There are different requirements, like a close up of their face, a full body shot, a picture of the whole family together. And as easy as this sounds, it is a bit more difficult for some kids than for others.

I was digging through some old files on my computer of pictures of the kids and realized, I have TONS of pictures of Tate, but very few of them are very good. Each time I have to send my pictures in for our post placement report, I feel like I am scrambling for some good pictures.

You see, Tate is the KING of picture sabotage. He completely shuts down for most pictures. I have spent months trying to figure it out...why are pictures so hard for him. Well...all I can figure is that one of the first times he had his photo taken was for his relinquishment paperwork. And honestly, that must have been such a difficult and terrifying time for him.

So...I try to capture him when I can, but I wanted to include these pictures on the blog here to show how far we have come. He still shuts down a lot for pictures, but we have gotten a few smiles out of him.
I think these were for the boy's 6 month post placement report. We are long gone past that one, in fact, we have now made it past the ONE YEAR mark and had our first GOTCHA Day (even if we were all sick, we still celebrated in our hearts).

It's been 11 months

Just wanted to post a quick update. It seems like my time on the computer is almost down to nothing. I am one busy mama. With schooling the kids, running the home, doing chores, ALWAYS having my kids with me, organizing an adoption support group, teaching a class...my list goes on...I just don't have a lot of time to update my blog.

And to be honest, blogging has become a way to journal our family as we continue to adjust. And hopefully it can provide some hope and encouragement to other adoptive families. I spent much more time combing over blogs and reading before we brought our boys home. It was a great way to prepare and maybe it is that for you.

So...back to the update.

Can I just say...11 months. WOW. I can hardly believe we are nearing upon our one year anniversary of our gotcha day. So much has changed. Not only for us...but for the boys too. We have come so far from those first few days and weeks and months home. I almost wish I could go back and revisit a day at the beginning to remember how much has changed.

• Language - the boys' English language is fantastic. New words every day. Longer sentences. Less made up words for Tate and more understanding of what he is saying. Tyce still has a strong accent (which we all love).
  

• Sleeping - We currently have Tate in a crib (now all the way across the room from me). He is held until he falls asleep at nap time and is able to fall asleep on his own at bed time. I still stay in the room until he falls asleep. I am still co-sleeping (in the same room). Tyce is in his own room. He is able to play quietly for nap time and our bed time routine is much smoother now. He still shows fears of night time and being afraid of the dark. Chuck is doing most of his tuck in time at night (while I work with Tate). He isn't acting out as much at night time and seems to be able to calm himself down a little more. There is often a mat on the floor of the room I share with Tate and Tyce can use it anytime he wants.
  

• Coping skills vs. family skills - Both boys are using less of their coping skills and have gains some much needed family skills (if you have read Parenting Your Internationally Adopted Child you are familiar with those terms). Tyce doesn't seem to be a "performer" anymore and instead tends to "spaz out and then shut down". And to be honest, he has fewer and fewer "shut down" moments. He is able to use some skills to settle down and calm his body when he is feeling "wild" or "spazzy". Tate is having fewer tantrums and is able to express his disappointment in more appropriate ways. Instead of throwing a fit, he might say he is "sad" or "Tay Tay walk away".

• Activities - Tyce is still in his Mom's morning out program. He goes 2 mornings a week and seems to like it. I'm trying to evaluate if it is the best thing for "our" relationship. It seems he feels disconnected when he comes home. He tends to act out more on those days or the day after. He is also part of Sunday School and although he likes it, hasn't connected great with the other kids. He doesn't act out at all, but seems to keep to himself and doesn't try to break into a group of kids. We may try him in an older class. Tate is doing much better with groups of people. He still pulls away and doesn't like having others around, but he is able to eat in front of them a little and can play when others are around. He will often retreat to the farthest spot when someone drops by the house (play in the basement or upstairs). Tate went to his SS class for 15 mins without me last week.
  

• Rest of the family - People often ask how the girls are adjusting. And to be totally honest...they are doing VERY well. They both have adjusted to being big sisters. Having little ones around has brought out great skills and traits in both of them. Tissy plays very well with Tyce (he loves his big sisters). Tally has become a little mother to Tate (and the whole clan). I often reminder her that she is the sister, not the mama. It does take time to adjust to any new kids in the home, but we do a lot of debriefing and talking and validating their feelings. Our family dynamics are feeling more and more normal.

• Eating - Both boys have accepted our American diet. Tyce does miss injera and likes to remember the foods he ate in Ethiopia. We try to offer familiar foods and make things like lentils. Neither of the boys eat much sugar (they have a hard time settling down after sweets). We don't offer desserts after meals nor do we have sugary snacks. Tate eats most of his food with his hands (although he can use a fork and spoon). He will even eat oatmeal, soup, salad with his hands. Neither of the boys seem to show big signs of food issues (hording, panicking when food is over, finding comfort in food and not mom). We do keep emergency food in the car, bedroom and school backpack for Tyce. If he gets too hungry if he missed snack time, it causes him to cry (something that is hard to see). Both boys would choose apple or banana over chips and crackers.
  

• Family age - both boys are now 11 months old (according to their family age). Both have shown normal signs of stranger anxiety and separation anxiety. Tyce has asked me to stay with him in his SS class, which of course I did. We talk about how mom comes back and he hinted that "mommies don't always come back". Breaks your heart. Tate is still always with Chuck or me and Tyce is only away from us for his MDO or his SS class. We have worked really hard to only expect behavior out of them that is "family age" appropriate.

• Nature vs. Nurture - I am seeing more and more behavior and mannerisms that are "nurture" oriented rather than "nature" oriented. I hear "my phrases" coming out of them. It is amazing to see how you truly become like those you spend time with. I also still see both boys doing things in "African" style (carrying things on their heads). Tyce still gravitate toward his little friend who was also adopted (watches out for her, plays more with her...). I think they share a deep common connection that others don't share.

• Cocooning - We are homebodies by nature, and because it can be hard for the boys when we do TOO many activities, we do limit how much we do and what we do. Like we skip things like McDonald's play land and loud, wild, out of control places like that. We are involved in a small group and in small bits, we can spend time with those kinds of kids. Chuck and I are still the only ones to do most of the "nurturing" things (washing hands, dressing, getting their food, carrying them...). And neither of the boys hug, sit with, hold hands with other people. Sometimes Tally or Tissy with help with some nurturing things, but we are still persistent to be the only ones to do most of that kind of thing. Connection takes a LONG time and it is a slow process and we are working hard at being purposeful in how we do things here in our family.

I think that is about it for an update. It continues to go smoothly around here. It won't be unusual if we have a little set back around our one year anniversary. Anniversary dates are usually hard times for adopted kids. We keep plugging away and seeing great results in how we have done things.

Better run and get some things done around here...more later.