Friday, May 28, 2010

finding support through friendships

When we first started our journey to adopt I remember someone telling us that the adoption community will become your new family. That concept has stuck with me through out our process and I have come to completely agree. At first I couldn't see why our new adoption friends would be any different than our other circle of friends. We have a variety of circles that we socialize in and I wasn't sure this new group would be any different than our homeschooling friends or our church friends or work friends or neighbors. But somehow when you connect with another adoptive family you share a bond that unites you.

These are other people that understand the trials, the struggles, the waiting, the fund raising, the paperwork, the court process, the referral, the travel, the first few weeks home, the adjusting, the bonding and attaching, the idea of learning to parent new children from unique backgrounds, the sickness that the kids come home with, the milestones, the cocooning, the joys and blessings that it all brings. They have been through this before or possibly are preparing to encounter this themselves.

I have become a believer in doing life intentionally. I understand how important it is to find the support of other adoptive families. To invest in friendships with other adoptive moms. To carve out time to go for coffee with some gals and nurture that budding friendship that starts with the common passion for adoption and orphans.

Just in the last week or so, we held a picnic get together (that is where all these shots came from) with some other adoptive families here in our small town. It was a blast. I noticed a common theme that all of these families really long for this kind of connection. It didn't take much to organize it and there never is a time that everyone can make it. But even on short notice we had 7 families meet at the park for a summer evening of connection.

I also met up with some friends for coffee this week. We met late one evening and talked until they kicked us out of Starbucks and then we talked some more in the parking lot. I came away refreshed. I need to do this kind of thing more often. Rather than waiting for someone else to initiate it, I figured I might as well take the plunge. With in just about 3 miles of our home we have many adoptive families. Some from our agency, some not. Some from Ethiopia, some from Nepal. All eager to find families that "look like them" to do life with. We are very grateful for so many families to find support in.

I find it best not be an island. Friendship is important and rejuvenating. I look forward to continue these adoption friendships. I have these ideas that our kids will grow up knowing each other and finding that this is where their support comes from when they hit those teenage years and need others who understand their adoptive situation.


  1. I love this post and can't wait to connect with others on a similar journey (in person outside of the internet)! It's inspiring that you just decided to initiate gathering and that now you have a "family." Thanks for sharing...

  2. Do your friends who adopted from Nepal have a blog? I'd love to hear about their journey!

  3. Your family time has been both intentional and intense in these first weeks, and now you are beginning to reap the rewards - the boys are healthy, happy, and obviously love their parents and sisters.

    I'm glad you feel free to go out with friends for a little while. Sounds like you weren't the only mom ready for a little girlfriend-fellowship.

  4. Such special relationships when you share a common passion and experience. We feel like our friends who have sailed with us - experienced living close for a week are "mates for life."

  5. Everyone needs those "mate for life" like mom said. So glad that God has blessed your family Cris with so many other families who have that just SO wonderful of God or what!!!

    We too find it is an effort to connect with others...trying too not to be an island, but let ourselves be blessed by others!!!

    Such a cute family pic!!!

  6. This is so true!