Jealousy in Adoption

I have had this post rolling around in my thoughts for awhile and I wanted to share some of my thoughts on jealousy in adoption. Kind of a Debbie Downer of a topic, but I feel that it is something that is quite real and can be a struggle for many adoptive families.

First off I will share from my own struggles of jealousy in adoption and hopefully that might open the doors of communication as we spur each other on to live a life that is fully pleasing to God. I believe that jealousy can creep into our lives in many different ways and if we are unaware, our thoughts can easily become captive of not being content in our certain circumstances. For isn't that what jealousy is...not being content where we are in the situation that God has us in?

There was a time in my life that I wished and longed for our family to look like this photo. In one way that is a good thing, but when it got to a point of me not being content with the children God had given me...and I was jealous of other adoptive families...not such a great place to be.


Last year when we began our journey of filling out paperwork and working on our fundraising for our adoption I found myself becoming jealous of others. When I would hear of another family getting a loving donation from a stranger, I would wonder why wasn't that us? Or if I heard of a yard sale that raised a lot of money, I wondered how come our yard sale didn't raise that much. Or even families that had a lot of support from others, I wondered if we would be left out or would others rally around us and support us too?

I am almost embarrassed to write those words, but I had that ugly sin in my life of coveting what someone else had and wishing I had it too. I knew it was wrong and God worked in my heart to surrender to His plan and I was able to come to the point where I was truly happy for those families that got the needed money or support or had a successful fundraising event. I was able to see that God's timing was perfect, that His plan was the best and I had to submit to His will and not seek my own.

There is something unique about the adoption journey. You see it is one of the most emotional journeys you could ever be on. You are often cut to the core of your raw emotions that must be brought before the Lord and checked with Him. And through the process of the adoption journey, I believe that God is constantly getting rid of all that you are that isn't of HIM.

Jealously can surface in so many areas. Jealous of someone else for...having their agency work faster...for having a better SW...for getting their paperwork in before you...getting on the waiting list first...for having a husband who is willing to adopt...for passing court the first time when you didn't...for getting earlier travel dates...choosing a different agency...for having a better adoption support group...for getting a referral before you...for being placed with an easier child...for having family that is supportive instead of judgmental...for having someone throw them a shower...of having a slow moving country program or worse yet, having a program shut down all together...for loosing your money on an adoption...for having a birth mom pick another family or decide to parent the child instead...for watching another family's adjustment be easier than yours...for..........

Clearly the list can go on and on. These are all areas that can easily cause us to wish we had different circumstances. I am sure you can list more than what what I came up with. It might even be that you are (or have) struggled with this and yet you are ashamed to admit it (even to yourself). I want to encourage you (and myself too) to check those thoughts with

Philippians 4:8

whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.

We know that from 1 Corinthians 13 that LOVE is NOT jealous.

And James 3:16 reminds us that where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder and every evil thing.